The Key Ingredients to Look for in a Potential Spouse

A few years back, I made a very conscious decision to look for a husband.  As part of my journey, I interviewed couples that I perceived to be happily married.  The “happily married” part was based purely on my opinion.  No scientific data was accumulated to rate them on a happiness scale.  But, I noticed how they treated each other and whether or not each individual seemed to continue to develop after saying “I do,” and they had to be married for at least 10 years.  (I also interviewed couples that did not seem happily married, but that’s for another post.)

I focused my questions on what the clues were before they were engaged that let them know this may be a good match.  After interviewing nearly three dozen “happily married” couples, a pattern began to emerge that could easily be broken down into three key ingredients in knowing this may be a good spouse for you.  It is those ingredients I am going to share with you today.

First and foremost, you must be attracted to this person.  Everyone agreed on that one.  If you are going to swear to only have sex with one person for the rest of your life, you better be attracted to them.  Now, with some of the couples the attraction was immediate; the “Oh yeah, baby, what I’d like to do to you” response.  For others, the attraction grew over time.  Maybe the wife barely noticed her husband for the first few months of knowing him, but once some more personal conversation was going on, she began to see an adorable aspect to the man.

The second ingredient is so obvious, we often discount it: the two of you must have fun together.  I’m not saying every second needs to be an amusement park, but notice your general mood and feelings when you’re with a potential mate.  We all know someone (and have been this person) who is in a relationship where it seems every moment together is struggle, torment, drama.  When we ask, “Why do you stay with him?” we get the ever faithful answer, “Because I love him.”  While love is nice, if you are thinking about spending day and night with someone for many years to come, fun is much more enjoyable.

The third ingredient is having a feeling that you both are moving in the same direction.  So, if you are attracted to a guy and have fun with him, but he plans to travel around Africa doing medical research for the next 15 years and you are hoping to pursue a career in corporate America and start a family, this may not be a good long term commitment.  This can be a tricky one to decipher.  Notice at what phase in life each of you are.  Ask questions about long term goals and dreams.  If they seem in line with what you are hoping for in your life, that’s great.  If they would take you far off course, this relationship may be not the best in the long run.

In all my interviews, I was amazed that the word love almost never came up.  Not that love isn’t important, but we have the ability to love all sorts of people in all sorts of situations.  Love takes many forms; it grows and fades like the tides of the ocean.  It’s important to have some other foundation for your relationship in times when the love meter dips below the cherish line.  These ingredients can give you something to step back and look at when trying to figure out if this is indeed “the one.”  So, get out there with a bit more focus.  You now have clear criteria as far as the key ingredients to a potential mate.

Want to bring a loving, lasting relationship into your life? Check out Empowered Attraction.

Jessica Sabatini
www.the360woman.com
jessica@the360woman.com