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Sometimes when a woman has gotten super-clear on what kind of man she wants to bring into her life, she’s affirms, “This is exactly what I want. I’m declaring it to the Universe and putting it out there.”
It can be very frustrating when that doesn’t show up.
It can be really easy to fall into some hysterical or really angry, “Why isn’t this happening in my life? I’m doing what people tell me to do as far as manifesting this man!”
But it’s also an opportunity to get curious. Ok, so I have gotten this clarity on what I want. Why is it not working? Why is it not showing up? What could I be doing that is getting in the way?
Often what is the case is that you’re holding on to some sort of past relationship that is just emotionally tying you to an unhealthy relationship. It’s bringing that into your life rather than what you’ve discovered you want. This doesn’t necessarily have to be a romantic relationship. In fact, often, it has to do with our mothers. I hate to say that, but it’s true.
Perhaps you had a mother who was very needy or ill, and so you spent all this time taking care of her. And there’s emotional resentment that you held your own life back in order to take care of her. Until you cut that emotional tie, you will continue to attract men into your life who need that same type of care. So again, you are sacrificing your own needs for the other.
Or perhaps your mother was very self-centered or narcissistic. Everything was all about her, and you didn’t really get the kind of attention that you wanted. If you still hold on to that resentment and have that emotional tie, it will keep bringing men into your life who want it to all be about them and don’t want to turn the attention on you and make you feel super-special.
So, if you’ve gotten clear on what it is you really want in a relationship and in a man, and it’s still not showing up, it’s time to ask, “What emotional resentments, regrets, ties to past relationships do I need to heal and cut so that I can move forward with some freedom to truly attract a relationship that will enhance my life?”
This is Jessica Sabatini with The 360 Woman.
May you have your pie and eat it, too!
I refuse to believe that chivalry is dead, but I don’t know.
A couple months ago, I was waiting to pick up my tickets to the Durham Bulls baseball game. I was in line, it was hot as hell: I’m sweating. I’m pregnant. I’m holding this toddler. I’m talking to my girlfriend in line. She’s holding her four-year-old. Our line’s moving pretty fast; I’m about to be the next person.
The window opens up, and this man in his late fifties just jumps in front of me, saying, “Well, I’ve been waiting longer. I get to go.”
At first, I thought, Oh, he’s right. He’s right.
My friend said, “Women! Pregnant woman! Children! Apparently, you have no chivalry.”
I thought, Maybe she’s right.
A couple weeks ago, I was in line at the grocery store. I like to do the self-checkout because I’m a little controlling about how my produce is bagged. So I was waiting in line for the self-checkout, and I was the next person up. I was waiting for the lady to get her bags and go; I didn’t want to crowd her. Then this man, who was two people behind me, just jumped ahead of me and tried to take the register. A young guy who was right behind me jumped ahead of him and said, “Hey – no! I’m before you, man.”
I said, “Excuse me! But I’m before both of you.” I turned to my son and I said, “Apparently, Mommy has to teach these men some manners.” Here I was, six months pregnant, holding a toddler, holding a gallon of milk; I’m The Next Person In Line! And yet, these men try to jump in front of me.
It’s ridiculous and shocking that they don’t even see that, Hey, maybe I should let this woman go.
So I was beginning to think that chivalry was dead. I even said it out loud. Then, I kid you not: the next three times I went to the grocery store, the very same man has been ahead of me in the self-checkout line. And he lets me go in front of him. He insists.
I say, “No, that’s ok.”
And he insists, “No, you go first.”
It is good, because yes, chivalry is not dead! Now, I have to mention that these men who jumped in front of me happened to be white, middle-class guys. And this guy who let me go ahead of him was a Hispanic, working-class kind of guy. Maybe it’s just that chivalry is dead amongst the white, middle-class guys. I don’t know. I offer that question to you. What do you think? Is chivalry dead?
Jessica Sabatini
www.THE360woman.com
I’m taking this financial integrity class. It’s very in-depth into analyzing every single cent that you spend and where your values are. It’s making sure that all of that is lining up. I really like the class because it’s full of formulas and all sorts of gadgets that help you play with your money, play with what’s going on, and look at money in a different way.
Let me tell you how it has affected me: My sex life!
My husband and I were talking and decided that it might be fun to get a little something-something to spice up the bedroom. We decided a little lingerie might be a good idea just to bring something different to the bedroom.
I headed on over to the local sex shop, Priscilla’s, just down the street. I looked around and checked out a few things. I have to tell you, there were so many dynamic colors and textures and frills and shapes and sizes. I could have easily spent $350 on wild, fun stuff. I could have easily spent $185 on a really fabulous outfit, totally awesome. I could have easily spent $75. I could have easily spent $45, but I’m in this financial integrity class. So I was really thinking about what I was spending.
I thought, “Ok, this is lingerie. Let’s look around and see what I really need.” It’s very important that I save money for a new car and for all this fancy music equipment that my husband wants to buy. Those are the things that we’re trying to be responsible about. So I wanted to see what I really needed for the bedroom.
I happened to wander over to the stocking section.
I thought, “Ok, wait a second. Thigh-high stockings. Ok, I’m feeling something here.” I picked out a few pairs: some cool, French-looking, stripety pairs and some red lace ones. I also picked out a pair of the black-with-the-line-up-the-back stockings. I realized that this other stuff that goes on the top is going to be off of me in the first five minutes, but the stockings, the thigh-high stockings, can be a part of the entire love-making experience.
I brought them up to the front. I couldn’t believe it! They were marked half-off! They took another 50% off at the register.
So I walked in, willing to spend more, thought about how much I was going to spend and how that lined up with my financial integrity, and walked out spending under $10 on three fabulous ways to spice up my sex life.
That is seriously getting a lot of bang for your buck.
This is Jessica Sabatini with THE 360 Woman
May you have your pie and eat it, too!
So I’m sitting at the stoplight yesterday, and I notice this Jeep in front of me. It’s a black, shiny, hardtop-looking Jeep, and it’s got a full-sized spare tire on the back with a shiny hubcap. In the middle of the hubcap is this really bulky looking, hard-core skull.
 I’m like, “oh, that’s interesting.” I start kind of peeking around, and I see the same skull on all the hubcaps. I start looking closer and closer at this vehicle and this jeep is like, seriously fortified. It’s got guards and rails and all sorts of things. Everything is shiny and hard-core and spotless. I mean, this is the kind of car that is ready for Armageddon. Like they’re ready for the shit to hit the fan. Come on – bring it on!
So I’m thinking, I’ve got to see who is driving this car. I pull into the lane next to him and look over, and it’s a couple! It’s this young couple, you know, maybe in their early thirties, and they’re both really muscular and wearing white tank tops. They look like they could be in the Army or something. They’re just looking at each other and laughing and talking and beaming and they seemed so in love. And I thought, “Well, that’s just awesome.”
It really goes to say that there’s someone out there for everyone. These two are completely ready for Armageddon. They’re trained. They’re at the top of their game and they have someone to stand there with them. I was just so blown away by the beauty of that couple in their Armageddon-read- shiny-blacktop-skull-Jeep-kind-of-thing going down the road.
I just want to share with you guys: There’s someone out there for everyone.
Jessica Sabatini
THE 360 Woman
jessica@THE360Woman.com
Often when I tell people I do relationship coaching, they will ask, “So, can you help me find my one true love?”
Well, the truth is that I believe that there is not “one true love” out there for any of us. This is an abundant universe. There are many possible choices for a great match for you – for each one of us. So if you miss one opportunity, don’t worry. Another one is going to come along for you.
What I do is I help people get absolutely clear on what to look for in a partnership and a relationship that will truly enhance their life. Then I help them to recognize it. Often we get to where we understand what we want, but it’s hard to actually know when it’s being presented to us in the person sitting across the table.
In my personal journey, I spent many months interviewing happily married couples and people from failed marriages to find out what I needed to look for and get the clues: how do I know that this person is worth committing to, that we’re going to create a great life together, and all those things. I really had to figure out what I needed as me, Jessica, the unique person.
Eventually, I got really skilled at this. I gotta tell you, once you get this really clear in your head, you can be on a first date with someone and say, “Nope, not it,” or “Yes, this is it.” In fact, on my first date with my now-husband, it was completely clear by the end of the date that we would most likely get married and we’d have a wonderful life together and be very fulfilled.
The wild thing that happened was about two months later. A good friend called. He said, “You know, I think I’m ready to get married and settle down and have kids. I thought about you, and think that you and I would make a great couple and would really create a beautiful life together. I’m wondering if you’re interested.”
I thought about it for a moment. I thought about the criteria and everything that I had learned from my interviews – what to recognize and how to know what is a good match for me. I said to him, “You know, you’re right. We would make a great couple. I think you’re really on to something there. However, I’ve already met a guy I think is really going to be great for me as well and since he came first, I’m going to stick with him.”
My friend, of course, tried to talk me out of it, but I said, “No, really. I’m going to stay with this one.” He moved on, and within a year he found another woman he knew he could create this life with. They went off, got married, had children, and seem to be very happy today.
A month after that call, I was out listening to a band with some friends, and I met a guy, a friend of friends. We were talking and having a really great time. I learned more and more about him. At the end he said, “I’d love your number. I’d love to go out with you. Something’s here.”
I said, “I’d love to give you my number, and if I were single, and didn’t have this fantastic boyfriend, I would totally give you my number because you’re a great guy. I wish you all the best, and I hope that you move on to finding a really fabulous woman for yourself.” Of course, I did take his number (just in case).
But the point here is that once you gain the ability to get really clear and know exactly how to recognize who would be good for you, you begin to see multiple possibilities. It’s not just one true love out there. There are many. The universe wants to give you as many possibilities for joy and happiness as possible.
So get clear. Take that time to really know what you want. Believe it is possible, and start to see those qualities in those around you.
This is Jessica Sabatini, signing off.
www.The360Woman.com
May you have your pie, and eat it, too!
Last week, I made a post about whether or not it was okay to date a recently separated guy. I’ve gotten a lot of messages, a lot of questions, and a lot of discussions from both men and women around this topic. In particular, a couple of women have asked me, “Is it socially acceptable for a recently separated woman to date?”
Well, the answer is: It depends.
First of all, it depends on how judgmental and what standards the society you hang out with has. But in general, it is completely understandable for a recently separated woman to go out, to have some fun, to get your ya-yas out, feel sexy, feel free, experiment with what it feels like again to present yourself to the world in that way. It may even help with some of your healing. It can definitely help with getting some clarity about what you like and what you don’t like as you’re moving forward and thinking about future relationships.
From my perspective, I would like you to keep in mind what you’re feeling, to really check in and be honest without yourself about what feelings are coming up as you’re dating. Are you feeling pressure? Anger? Insecurity? Angst? If the feelings are overwhelming, it might be a signal that it’s time to step back, to really go back to yourself and try to get clear about what’s going on inside of you.
Now, there are a few situations where it may not be socially acceptable for you to be dating if you’re recently separated. The first is if you’re rushing into some sort of long-term commitment or engagement. Maybe if this is someone you’ve been having an affair with for a while and it is decided in your society that your husband was wrong for you and this guy is right for you, then that can be understandable. But remember, you still are at a point where you haven’t quite sorted out what your feelings are. It takes some time for all of that to adjust.
So this might not be the best time for you to declare your undying love to the guy who mows your lawn and is half your age.
Another situation where it might not be socially acceptable for a recently separated woman to date is if you’re neglecting your kids. If you have kids and you’re going out five nights a week and saying, “This is for Mommy; Mommy has to feel free; Mommy has to do this,” and you’re not being there to support them with what they’re going through with the separation, then yes, society will probably judge you negatively about doing that.
Now, by all means, I am not saying that you have to go out and date if you have no desire. If you would rather stay at home, deal with the logistics, deal with your own healing, and get to know yourself better, that’s perfectly alright.
But if you do want to go out, have dinner with a guy, smile, and see what that feels like again, it’s okay. It might actually be good for you.
Let’s keep the discussion going. Any more questions, feel free to post here or email me at Jessica@the360woman.com
This is Jessica Sabatini with The 360 Woman
May you have your pie, and eat it, too.
Sometimes you have to ask yourself: Why do you really want a husband?
Now, I hope it’s not to gain some sort of social status or for financial security. In this day and age, we know that a husband doesn’t necessarily give us those things, and that many of us women have proven that we can take care of ourselves, either through necessity or choice.
I could buy “children” or “partner in parenting;” that’s definitely one I could buy. But, I invite you to think about how it will truly make a difference in your life to have a husband there with you. The more clearly motivated you are, the easier it is to find your Mr. Right.
For me, it went something like this: it was a dark and lonely night when I decided it was time for me to find a life partner, AKA: a husband. And my main inspiration was that I really wanted someone to be there for me when I got sick. Now, I was very sick at this point in time and there was no one to help take care of me. I knew that that was not the way I wanted my life to be. There must be something better than that.
Today, I have to say that I love that when my body has totally given out and I am ill as can be, that there is this loving man to bring me water, to take my temperature, to rub my back, to feed the kids, to hold my hair as I puke into the toilet. You know, it’s so romantic. But really think about how having a man could make a difference in your life, and what is important to you about bringing that in.
Now, you may meet and date a guy who makes a lot of money and wears nice clothes, but you get this feeling that if you were to break your hip and need constant care, maybe even be in a wheelchair for a while, that this guy would probably resent every minute of caring for you. Then, he’s probably not worth your time or commitment.
So ask yourself: Why do I really want a husband? Really see what it looks like to have that kind of support in your life. And it’ll help you, as you’re navigating and looking at your different options, to decide who is not in the running and who you can really share a life with – who could truly enhance your life.
Need further help getting clear on what you really want? Email me anytime.
Jessica Sabatini
The 360 Woman
jessica@the360woman.com
**WARNING** This post is highly informational and promotional, but I have to tell you what’s going on!
August 10th is our next free call in the Sabatini Single Series. I will be sharing some powerful secrets about using the laws of the Universe to bring you a relationship that fuels your life.
On that call, I will be telling about an awesome discount for the upcoming Empowered Attraction Group Coaching Program! This is a ten week class over the phone that will help you find a lasting, loving relationship that actually enhances your life.
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The truth is that relationships between men and women have changed quite a bit in the last 50 years. The old rules no longer apply.
Through the ten week EMPOWERED ATTRACTION program, I will provide you with immense support and guidance as you learn how to find and receive love that energizes and fuels all areas of your life.
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As part of the Empowered Attraction program, you get:
• ten 75 minute group calls on empowered relationship stuff
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But, listen to Tuesday’s call, and get the promotion code to save you hundreds!!!!
In order to qualify, you must be registered for the August 10th call,
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It’s time to step into your power and attract a relationship that makes your life wonderful!
Looking forward to “seeing” you on the call! And, as always, if you have any questions, you can contact me anytime at jessica@the360woman.com
Hot Wishes,
Jessica Sabatini
www.the360woman.com
Recently, I was having lunch with a male colleague; fellow relationshipo guru. We wanted to know more about eachother’s services. About halfway through the conversation, he turns to me and asks, “So do you insist that your clients be a certain weight and attractiveness level?”
I was shocked! I said, “Of course not! Why on earth would I do that?”
His response was, “Well, you have to admit that the more attractive a woman is, the more likely she is to get a man.”
I would like to clear this up right here, right now:
What you look like has very little to do with your ability to experience a loving, lasting relationship. How you feel about yourself, as a whole, has a lot to do with your ability to be in a relationship of giving and receiving love.
Yes, I admit, that sexy lady in the short skirt with the big boobs will probably experience more dates than the average Plain Jane. But her looks do not make her any more eligible to find true love than any other woman out there. I know plenty of women who are fit and gorgeous and sexy and heart-breakingly single, and so frustrated and miserable about it.
And, I know plenty of women who may be a bit overweight and wouldn’t necessarily win a beauty contest, but are in these awesome relationships where they are giving love, they’re receiving love, there’s support, there’s encouragement, there’s just a beautiful life created out of these relationships.
If you don’t believe me, I challenge you to put this to the test: Go to some big chain grocery store like Harris Teeter or Kroger or Food Lion. Walk around and notice the couples in the store. They come in all shapes and sizes and colors. Notice that there are some really good looking women by themselves obviously shopping for one.
So do not use the excuse of “I’m not pretty enough to be on the cover of Vogue magazine” to think that you do not deserve a loving, lasting relationship! That’s not how it works.
I’d love to hear how you feel about this. Post a comment here or email me directly at Jessica@the360woman.com
Jessica Sabatini
I had a girlfriend call me yesterday and ask me a question that I’m going to share with all of you. What she wanted to know was, “Is it ok to date a guy who was recently separated?”
So here is my take on that:
Yes, it is okay to date a guy who was recently separated. It could even be a lot of fun. However, there are a few things to keep in mind. One is maybe not having so many expectations on this relationship. It’s really okay if you’re just kind of looking to date and have fun, but he may not be ready for that kind of long-term commitment.
Keep in mind that you can’t really trust what he says. He doesn’t know his own feelings right now. It’s going to take some time for him to process what has happened, for him to get really clear on what he truly does want. So even if he’s saying two months after being separated from his wife, “Oh, you’re exactly what I want. This is exactly what I’m looking for,” he may not totally be aware of his own feelings. So you can’t really trust what he has to say either.
The other thing is, just be careful if you’re getting yourself into a sticky situation. Often with separations there might be kids, or financial things, all sorts of stuff that’s just simply not your problem. Be careful that you’re not taking on his issues with his own separation in the process. But other than that, it can be a lot of fun. So go out there, see if you find some recently separated men to tackle and start dating – No, I’m kidding. But good luck with that, and I hope it goes well.
Feel free to email me any time with questions
Jessica Sabatini
Jessica@the360woman.com
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